Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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