I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
there is puke in my bra ... again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
