he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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