I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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