Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
