Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
