Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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