God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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