god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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