you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's just like the Real World with babies
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please don't give away my fajitas
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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