my phone needs a breathalizer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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