Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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