Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
