it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
