I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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