Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
