It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
