I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
