I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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