Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
