The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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