sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?