Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

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(248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei

Replies (8) Good night (2273) Bad night (568)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

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(503): My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin" http://tfl.nu/dw59

Replies (12) Good night (737) Bad night (5390)
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(913): View more from Kansas

some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

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(913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx

Replies (18) Good night (9670) Bad night (864)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

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(724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20

Replies (22) Good night (4151) Bad night (995)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

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(757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde

Replies (4) Good night (3060) Bad night (1124)
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(613): View more from Ontario

there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.

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(613): there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays. http://tfl.nu/8dlv

Replies (5) Good night (2588) Bad night (850)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

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(480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq

Replies (4) Good night (2855) Bad night (983)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

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(+44): Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife. http://tfl.nu/3wb9

Replies (11) Good night (862) Bad night (2373)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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(647): I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway. http://tfl.nu/bxvu

Replies (8) Good night (2509) Bad night (719)
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(415): View more from California

We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

(916): View more from California

Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

(415): View more from California

HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

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(415): We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002. (916): Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening. (415): HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone. http://tfl.nu/fe9v

Replies (15) Good night (1855) Bad night (756)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.

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(901): She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/lor2

Replies (3) Good night (1120) Bad night (559)
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(509): View more from Washington

first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.

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(509): first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off. http://tfl.nu/heya

Replies (7) Good night (553) Bad night (1411)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks

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(612): Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks http://tfl.nu/dno6

Replies (7) Good night (735) Bad night (1006)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.

(651): View more from Minnesota

You are a terrible person.

(763): View more from Minnesota

I just try to be optimistic...

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(763): I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless. (651): You are a terrible person. (763): I just try to be optimistic... http://tfl.nu/01d9

Replies (5) Good night (1295) Bad night (497)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.

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(586): Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed. http://tfl.nu/40ub

Replies (3) Good night (356) Bad night (691)

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