is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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