So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.