I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.