Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd

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  (757): Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd http://tfl.nu/vlap
  Replies (6) Good night (824) Bad night (587)
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  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1458) Bad night (630)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.

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  (304): I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine. http://tfl.nu/cm6i
  Replies (49) Good night (700) Bad night (6194)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5798) Bad night (935)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.

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  (814): please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week. http://tfl.nu/2kmj
  Replies (7) Good night (3566) Bad night (1153)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?

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  (804): Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night? http://tfl.nu/x7lh
  Replies (7) Good night (5068) Bad night (1067)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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  (617): Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental. http://tfl.nu/3u9w
  Replies (4) Good night (996) Bad night (1613)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2420) Bad night (600)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.

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  (714): I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work. http://tfl.nu/rjuf
  Replies (9) Good night (2676) Bad night (584)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.

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  (541): We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash. http://tfl.nu/8hyq
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (428)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

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  (720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq
  Replies (15) Good night (409) Bad night (1546)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk

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  (248): The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk http://tfl.nu/s1mo
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.

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  (603): YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP. http://tfl.nu/wagi
  Replies (6) Good night (840) Bad night (266)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.

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  (651): Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room. http://tfl.nu/zu20
  Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (171)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have suspicion of morning wood.

  (281): View more from Texas

  How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?

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  (832): I have suspicion of morning wood. (281): How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis? http://tfl.nu/x95m
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (188)

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