I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize