So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.