i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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