I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
