I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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