I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize