What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
