I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
