We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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