Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
