I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
