Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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