wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
