and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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