He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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