apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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