It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
