honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Say something about gay babies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
