The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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