i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize