i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
