i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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