my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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