I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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