people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
