you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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