Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
