just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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