You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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