I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
