well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
