it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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