I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
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So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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