are you so shy because you have an std?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
