look no pants
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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