so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
