I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
