I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
