i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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