Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is the high leading the old right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
