My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
