Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
