I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
