would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
