the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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