I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
