dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
