dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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