Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
