She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
