Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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