Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
