: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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