What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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